Suspense vs. Play

2026-06-30T16:59:00-04:00

I posit a theory between two distinct worldviews: suspense vs play. The modern age has forced us into suspense. Algorithms work on suspense. Can I hold your attention long enough that you get to the end of my YouTube video? Can I have you suspend your disbelief enough that you think any of these institutions actually assist you?

On the other side is play. We are told play is wrong and play is demonized for adults. We think we need something like suspense to hold other people's attention and to have value. Ultimately, we need to constantly prove ourselves and our value within the capitalist system. If we don't continually provide value, we are worthless. If we have inherent worth, we can all just play and experiment with our preferences.

The suspenseful world is as stressful as it sounds: my partner will only love me as long as I continue to prove myself. I don't have inherent worth. I must constantly struggle for survival and I'm no better than anyone else.

The playful world is as joyful as it sounds: we have inherent worth. We, and everyone else, deserve to have their needs met and to explore their desires.

The suspenseful world tends towards manipulation: if I just say these words in the right order or have this genius business idea I will make it to the top. But then no one is happy there anyway because you have to continue fighting to be there.

In a playful world, there is no need for manipulation; there's just preference. Something like the "art of seduction" is not about constant manipulation of your "target", it's about people enjoying each other and their company.

This suspenseful lifestyle is the source of many of the woes in the world. How can people have deliberate, intentional relationships as they constantly jockey for position and think they need to constantly perform for their so-called loved ones? It leads to people justifying violence and being selfish.

Imagine an actual playground: do you want to play with the bullies or the group of friends having a good time? Somehow, we all ended up with the bullies.

Personal Software

2026-06-30T04:19:00-04:00

I ran across the Dangerous Writing App. You set a word count (or time) and if you stop typing it deletes everything you wrote. Talk about killing writer's block!

I decided to make a personal version so I didn't need to keep reloading that website. It felt wrong to dump personal journal entries into a site who could be storing it in a database for all I know.

In 52 lines of HTML, I was able to replicate all the features I wanted and customized them to my own preference.

I learned two things:

One, it has always been easy and cheap to make personal software and tools.

Two, when you know the rules (HTML), you can break them. I basically opened a blank file and started with a , then added <style> and <script> tags. Fuck the <html> tag. You don't need it. It's just for me, not to meet web or accessibility standards. You'd be shocked what HTML the browser will still manage to render.</p> <p>So, make your own shit. Make it ugly and useful as quick as you can. Add to it if you need. But I haven't. I've written over 50,000 words now using my own little writer block killer. I can set any word count I want and just go until I have something down. Typically I start with 1000 words and whittle it down. It helps with getting to the point as well. I often ramble so I can procrastinate the real work. But forcing 250 words out of you streamlines everything, especially after you already emptied the faucet of the cruft.</p> </article> <article> <h1>Refinding Reading</h1> <p>2026-06-30T02:27:00-04:00</p> <p>When I was young, I was an avid reader. Like, read every book in the house three times can't-get-enough type of reader. But over time, even though my passion didn't fade, I let the busy work of life intrude upon the Sacred.</p> <p>First it was other activities, like extracurriculars or just focusing on social stuff. When college hit, I actually had a lot of free time and I reconnected with some passions had previously left behind: music, Runescape.</p> <p>College consumed the rest of my identity in a way I didn't expect. No, it wasn't the liberal professors (which you may be surprised to learn don't have a massive presence at The Ohio State University), even if my estranged family would love to believe that. I never had a self-professed woke professor. I did have self-professed conservative ones though, especially in the classics courses that I took.</p> <p>Eventually, I began reading again in the middle of college. I realized, what was all of this for? Who am I? And how did I learn about the world?</p> <p>There were so many jarring world-bending (to my own personal world at least) realizations that had struck me, and I was seeking that high. What other way can you see the world from other perspectives?</p> <p>So I set a Goodreads goal and I've kept it ever since. The idea was 100+ books a year, but I've settled around 50+. Quantity doesn't matter, but I found I incentivized myself to read short stuff if it was set to 100. I think tracking something like page count would be better, but it's simply pointless to track at all. My real goal is more perspective: that has more to do with epiphanies which don't happen depending on the length of a piece of work. Sometimes it is merely the distance between you and the subject matter. If I only read self help books, I'd probably read about the 80/20 rule another seven-thousand times and not have a change in my mindset or opinions.</p> <p>P.S. It occured to me after writing this that rekindling or rediscovering is probably a more common way to describe this. But to be clear, I wasn't cultivating a love again. I never lost the love, so rekindling is inaccurate. And rediscovering is not quite right either. I never fully stopped reading, but it changed to textbooks and articles rather than longform fiction, for instance.</p> </article> </main></body></html>

LucaPillar

Suspense vs. Play

Personal Software